so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
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