I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
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