Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
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