don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Randomize