It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
What did we do last night that was yellow?
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
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