he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
