I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Randomize
