I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
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