His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
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