well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
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I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
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