Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
