Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
