i don't plan on having that self control this summer
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
