She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
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