Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Randomize
