I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Randomize
