I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
