Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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