This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
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