I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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