you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Randomize
