So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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