i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
