is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
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