so explain again why im purple
no
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I just want nice things and good sex
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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