He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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