What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Randomize
