I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
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