Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
