I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
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the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
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There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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