Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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