I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
