addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Randomize
