i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
I know her cup size but not her name....
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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