he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
Randomize
