I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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