Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
