she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
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