the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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