first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
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