The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
