I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Randomize
