i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
