end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
