but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
