Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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