I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
