then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
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good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
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I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
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