I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
