i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
