someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
