Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Randomize
