YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
is that a dick in a sweater?
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Randomize
