I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
