I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
accomplished twins. life is a go
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
