Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
Reggie can tackle my bush.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
