Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
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