I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
