Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Randomize
