It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
