I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Randomize
