I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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