Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
