it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
Randomize
