Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Randomize
